Updated: Jun 21, 2019
I wanted to shout but I couldn’t, I was hopeless and helpless.
I was a young 5-year-old living the best days of my life.
Chewing away on the pen lid and before I could say Supercallifragilisticexpialidocious! It was stuck down my (trachea) windpipe and I couldn’t speak. I was in this sorry state for two weeks.
You see… I am a sucker for saying yes. Sometimes I even find myself thinking “no, no, no, no” and then I blurt out “yes.”
But here I was unable to say either
But now that I am of age, it got me thinking. I asked myself why it was so important for me to please everyone, to the point that I would feel resentful and stressed because of it.
And so I realized exactly why I found it so difficult to say no.
I realised this was not just a challenge that I face, but one that many people go through every day. It’s a heavy burden to carry because with the urge to say yes also comes a lack of self-confidence and self-value.
Saying No Doesn’t Mean You’re a Bad Person.
There are many people who often want to say NO but feel obliged to say YES. Saying NO is just difficult. In fact, saying NO often leads to feelings of guilt, and nobody wants to feel this way.
Saying YES is therefore often the only option. After all, we don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, and we certainly don’t want to be viewed as being selfish and saying YES allows us to build deeper bonds and relationships with those around us, right?
Even though some people may try to guilt trip you, manipulate you or make you feel you have to say yes this is still your life to live.
You have the right to say no about what you do.
Even smart people need validation and seek approval. Surprisingly, in fact, the smarter people are, the more likely they are to fall for bad leadership. Smart people believe their cognitive prowess will protect them from being manipulated emotionally, which makes them all the more vulnerable to bad leadership.
We all know what happens to that lone voice standing up against everything bad – the lone voice is crushed while others stand around passively, silently hoping they will not be singled out as the next victim.
“Mediocrity breeds more mediocrity”
Good leadership is the antidote for bad. But we have to be willing to practice it ourselves.
As you can see, saying NO doesn’t mean that you are being selfish. In fact, saying NO at times could be the most selfless act you can make. It not only shows that you respect yourself and value your time, but it also shows that you are thinking beyond the present moment — taking into consideration the future impact of your current decisions and actions.
Before you say YES to anything, it’s important to understand what’s actually at stake. If I say YES to this, what am I saying NO to? How will this choice impact my future?
When you are about to say no then remember why you are doing it. This positive motivation will help you to go through with your decision even if it feels tough.
3 principles that put you first and become more assertive with your No
Principle 1 - Self-care encourages you to say ‘no’
How many times have you said yes when really you wanted to say no? With self-care you assert your preference without guilt, you accept that you do not have to come up with a reasonable or convincing explanation for declining.
We falsely believe by no saying no, we can avoid any temporary discomfort, but standing firm by saying no far outweigh the future inconvenience we would experience.
Principle 2 – Self-care encourage you to express your emotions, opinions and beliefs
You are a unique individual. Never in the history of the universe has there been any no one else like you. Even if you are an identical twin, you and your twin would each have different life experiences, hence making you unique individuals.
To deny this principle is to show too much respect for others and to negate your self-care. To deny your emotions, opinions, and beliefs is to deny your individuality.
Principle 3 – Self-care allows you to make decisions that others find illogical without necessarily having to give an explanation.
You are the ultimate judge of your life, what you believe and what you do. Consequently, if someone believes that your decision s illogical, that is no reason why you have to explain or change your decision. Therefore, you are effectively handing over control of your life to other people.
Learning to say NO can be of tremendous value to your life.
Thank you so much for visiting.
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