Updated: Dec 9, 2018
It’s so easy to doubt ourselves at times, for us to be dragged down by our own thoughts.
So easy to feel like “I’m not good enough” or "there others more qualified than me" 👀😭
Not good enough to maybe to go for the job or promotion you want. Or out on a date with that person you’d really like to get to know better.
Or even as you do your best you may feel like it’s still not good enough. And so you feel that you’re not good enough either.
Such thoughts combined with the pressures and stress of today’s world can quickly start tearing your confidence in yourself and your self-esteem to pieces.
I think most of us have been in that situation.
I’ve been there many times. But I have learnt not to let those thoughts hold me down and back from what I wanted.
But I’ve also – over the years – learned quite a few things that help me to prevent those thoughts from popping up in the first place. And to handle them when they do come running towards me.
1. You don’t have to listen to your inner critic (you can shut it down).
When I was younger then I didn’t know I had an inner critic. A voice inside of me always told I was lazy, and my plan wouldn’t work and that I could have done an even better job.
The inner critic could sometimes motivate me to work smarter and do better. But most often it just tore me down.
I also didn’t know that you don’t have to listen to everything your mind is telling you. That you can actually talk back to that inner critic in your head.
But when it pipes up nowadays I know what works best for me is to – in my mind – shout:
Or: No, no, no… we’re not going down that path again!
2. Make a list and then take a few minutes to soak in your positive memories.
Take out a pen and a piece of paper. Or a blank memo note on your smart phone.
And simply think back. To times and situations when you felt good enough.
Or to times when you may not have felt quite good enough at first but still took action and did well or even better than you had expected.
Write a few such memories down. And then when you feel uncertain or your confidence drops in some situation then pull out that note and soak in those memories for a few minutes to change your outlook.
3. Stop getting stuck in the comparison trap.
When you all too often compare yourself to others, to what they have and what they’ve done then you’re getting yourself stuck in the comparison trap.
This destructive habit tends to feed that feeling of not being good enough. Because this habitual comparing is not a game you can win. There will always be someone that’s better than you or that has more or has achieved more.
Somewhere out there in your neighborhood, country or the world.
I’ve found that a much better alternative for me has been to compare myself to myself. To see how far I’ve come and what I’ve overcome.
Making that a habit and only occasionally checking out what other people are doing also makes it easier to not be envious but to be happy for their successes.
4. What people share online is usually a high-light reel.
Nowadays it’s often right there as soon as you pick up your phone or sit down in front of your laptop.
It’s harder to avoid the comparison trap these days then it was 10 or 15 years ago.
But one thing I try to keep in mind and that really helps when it comes to social media is this:
What people are sharing is a high-light reel of their lives.
Nothing wrong with that. But if you think that’s how their lives look all the time then you’re likely fooling yourself and making yourself feel worse without any real reason.
Because they usually share just the happiest, most fun and exciting moments of their lives. But no matter who they are everyone will still have bad days, get a knock-out flu, eat some food they shouldn’t have and they’ll have their own worries.
So don’t fall into the trap of comparing your low-points or everyday life with someone else’s high-light reel.
5. You can always start small with the right attitude.
One thing I like to do in the morning or when I’m not feeling too good about myself and that helps me to keep my self-esteem stable is what I like to call a wake up to shake up.
Here’s what you do:
Do something that you deep down think is the right thing. Do it right now…
Give a genuine compliment to someone at school, work or in your life or to yourself.Take 3 minutes to uncluttered your workspace or clean your house. A tidy environment always help the mind
Or help someone out with a bit of information that they’re looking for.
I often think one of these things to myself: Excellent!Well done!That was fun!
6. Celebrate all wins. 💅😍
Not only the big ones. Because then you’ll wait a long time between celebrations and run the risk of only feeling good about yourself when you’ve reached such a peak in life.
I’ve learned that it tends to work better to keep the motivation and self-confidence up if I celebrate all wins. No matter how small.
One small step forward is still one small step forward and you need to take such steps no matter what lofty goal you want to reach.
So celebrate those wins too in some way. Maybe with a pat on your back, a tasty and delicious snack or a quiet break out in nature.
7. It really helps to let it out.
Keeping these thoughts bottled up can make them spiral out of control.
Letting them out can help you to look at things from a more grounded and constructive perspective.
Three ways to let it out are:
Vent about these thoughts as someone close to you simply listens. Do this for a little while to release the pent up tensions and to figure things out for yourself.
Discuss it with a friend. Let her add her perspective. Or ask him what he’s done in a similar situation. Your friend can ground you in reality again so you don’t start making a horrific mountain out of a molehill or medium-sized hill. And the two of you can perhap
8. Don’t beat yourself up. There are much better ways to motivate yourself.
Beating yourself up can renew your motivation to do better the next time.
But it will most likely cause more hurt than it will help you in the long run as it drags you down mentally and may often extinguish your motivation instead of renewing it.
So find another way to motivate yourself that won’t push your respect and love for yourself down such as:
Be kinder and more constructive when you talk to yourself.Let it out as mentioned above.Look for small or tiny steps you can take today to improve the situation you’re in.
Start building a right thing string.And remember that just because plenty of people beat themselves up all the time or because you’ve done it many times in the past doesn’t mean that it’s the healthiest or best way to move forward again.
9. What someone has said or done to you may not be about you.
The criticism or verbal attacks you may have received this morning or during the past year might not have been about you at all.
So don’t make the common mistake of thinking it’s all about you. Someone close to you, at work or at school could simply have had a bad week, month or year.
Or he or she may be in a bad marriage, dissatisfied with his/her career or carrying an old and heavy baggage of negativity that someone else once put on him or her.
Remind yourself of this when you don’t feel good enough because of what someone else may have said or done. And realize that you don’t have to carry their baggage and negativity.
That belongs to them. Not you.
Thank you so much for visiting.
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